I'm rambling.

Approximately, it's been 1 day and half an hour of me being 20. So tired, have to realized it sooner or later. The reality is harsh, the reality is bitter. Sweet dream needs to be forgotten. Grow up already I'm a grown up. Reality doesn't always happen as we've always wanted. Wake up, in november I woke. Found the truth I refused to see all these time. Torn, sad, broken I am. Tears flowing, calming me just too little. Logic I need logic. Help me get out. I have no more energy. I can bear this no more please. I'm rambling.

Special

Two months since I promised to myself that I'd stop. I tried to get myself out of the circle. I tried so hard, so very very hard. I did everything I could to move on. Yet I found myself in this very same point. Everybody's keep going and I'm feeling left out. I'm being ridiculous and everybody will start laughing. I just can't help it. I wish I could.

You're so fucking special. So very fucking special. It doesn't make sense :(

welcome november

My favorite month has come. Hope good things will come instead of this endingless problems thanks to you, yeah you. Family ruiner! :(

Brain overloaded and I haven't been updating much on this blog. What's with the midterm exams and college stuffs madness. -_-"

Wide Open Space by Mansun

I'm in a wide open space, I'm standing
I'm all alone and staring into space
It's always quiet thru' my ceiling
The roof comes in and crashes in a daze

I'm in a wide open space, it's freezing
You'll never get to heaven with a smile on your face from me
I'm in a wide open space, I'm staring
There's something quite bizarre I cannot see

I'm on the top of a hill, I'm lonely
There's someone here to shout to miles away
I could be back in my house, for I care
They do not hear me, it's the same old case

Can't help it.

Am not supposed to be complaining, but I can't help it. To whom should I do it: have no idea, so I pray to God and I write it here. God knows how sick I am of these never-ending-family-fuck-ups. And I hate it how I turn this blog into a gloomy dungeon. :'(

Dear God, hear my pray and make everything okay.

R.I.P.

When a friend died yesterday, I shed my share of tears. So long, Nyoman Aditya Prakasa. :')

Manusia bisa khilaf?

It wasn't me who wrote those two posts on Sunday. I was possessed...by the unholy spirit of mortal emotion. Yeah, definitely.

God,

I want my mother back.

Take that!

It's all the consequences of your own actions, and now why do I have to take the fvcking responsibility??? Don't be a sissy and expect me to feel guilty, cause I dont. I feel pity, yeah. Upset? Of course! Ughh, I can't stand it anymore. Don't you have a pride? All you do now is just moping and pitying yourself and wanting to give up. So selfish, indeed.

Phobia

I think I have a phobia of some sort. I think I have a being-alone-in-a-closed-space phobia.
Yeah.. I think I do.

Duh.

Have you ever missed someone so bad that you feel you can eat a baby alive? Have you ever been telling yourself that it would go away and somehow you manage to know that it was still there? That in spite of every other happier things you've done that made you forget, one day it would be just pop right back again at you?

Well, I have. And screw me. Duh.

Gempa bikin heboh

Gempa hari ini bikin heboh dan pusing banget. Satu kampus lari2 keluar ruangan seru gila haha. Kirain si damar iseng goyang2in kursi, tiba2 1 orang teriak gempa semua langsung heboh -_-"

Pusing banget ini efek gempa yg bener2 kerasa kayak kapal di laut, apa karena belum makan? I need some food, sleep, and aspirin *_*

1st day

First day of college was fun as I expected haha. Many 'maba' asked for my signature and I felt like a real senior haha. I knew it, one day at depok already boost my mood :)

College starts soon

I really, really, and again, really need the new semester to start soon. Today is supposed to be the first day, but I'm free on monday. And I know this sounds weird, but for the first time now I wish I have class on monday. I can't take this do-nothing-except-find-something-to-do holiday any longer. I need to get busy. Soon. Now. Or I'll shoot myself.

Ouch

I woke up at 10.00 am this morning, got my period one hour later, and having my usual cramm and stomache now. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch!! I need my ponstan in order to last through the rest of today without squirming and whining. :'(

Two events this evening, the choice is mine to make: friends or family? Oh, I want both :'(

And this pain is killing meeee. Aarrrgh, now I'm in the mood for trashing! Ouchh. Ouchhhh. It hurts, my stomach and my lower back. Shuush, pain, pain, go awaaay

Home alone (again)

As I've written here before, for God knows how many times, I'll write it again: I hate being home alone.

B

I'm B.

Got myself a little torn here and there, but am okay...I guess.

My choice

I hate it when people are telling me what to do, as if they knew what's best for me. When people say A, I tend to go B (and C if people say B). When they're telling me to do A, I'll do anything I could to search the alternatives. Hey, it's my life right? My choice!

Also, I have this habbit of thinking too much. I overthink almost everything in my head, so when something slip inside (it usually was just a normal thought), played over and over again in my head until it gradually became a negative thought. Do you get what I mean? Maybe that's what makes my mood often goes up and down, and up, up again, and down. :( And when it's down, I'll decide to quit. But when it's up, I'll instantly forget about the downs. The cycle goes on forever, and I'm trapped. Niceee -.-"

Kemalasan

Puasa harus kuat. Tapi badan rasanya lemes banget. I'm exhausted!
Tinggal 1 minggu lagi sampai kuliah dimulai. Sangat-sangat malas. (Can I skip a year or two?)

Complicated

Tau gak sih kalo pikiran dan perasaan cewek itu rumit dan berbelit2? It's like riding on a never-ending roller-coaster. At least that's what I'm feeling. The good thing is, you can just enjoy it all (the sweet and bitter part) and keep up with your life.. Not without tears, not without support from your friends, but keep going nontheless.

I wonder if boys are the same.

The mistery of life, which God will reveal to us eventually when the time comes, is why I'm both scared and eager to face the future.

Resolution

I have not been exactly myself this past half and a week. And I'm tired of it, it's like I'm licking my own spit.. I didn't use my brain, my logic.. And I think I have to move, I don't want to end up being in the same circle over and over again. Just wake up, stupid! I have my own reality and problems to deal with. I just have to be brave about them.

Yay for new resolutions in life!

Grr

Just butt out! Mind your own business.. Grrr

Happy fasting!

I'm not the kind of people who can say "get well soon", or "I'm sorry to hear that", or "mohon maaf dan lahir batin", etc without feeling a little bit awkward. I'm just not into mushy stuffs like that. It's hard for me, I'm not like other people who can pull it off easily. I'm getting around making jokes all the time and pretend that everything's okay even though maybe inside I'm far from happy. But I just hate it when people know I'm upset, so I cheer up almost all the time in front of almost all people haha.

So anyway, I just want to say happy fasting! :)

HTS

I really hate and detest what's called HTS.. But what was I doing those 2 last days if it weren't HTS-ing? :'(
Like I'm not an onion already.. *sigh

AAR and goodbye!

Just got home from the all-american rejects concert. Truth be told i miss you. Truth be told penontonnya labil semua huhahu (terutama angel haha..) Kalo bukan karena nemenin adek gw dan menghindari hal lain gw sebenernya males nonton.. Seperti biasa gw ga bisa nonton dengan jelas (iya Rif, gw mau digendong) hhhh..

I was listening to mew the whole time while waiting for the concert to start (and yes, was crying too after the all-too-quick goodbye call) :'(

Mew

Mew live in concert rocked! XD
Although it wasn't a full one, still it rocked. Hah. Saviours of jazz balet..

Fastforward

I want to fastforward my life until the day I'm about to be married. How I long for a perfect little family of mine, with a loving husband and kids. And all the unhappiness can go to hell! Even though I know that it was impossible.. Haha one can dream, and surely I am.. Sigh.

:(

Ini bukan jaman siti nurbaya woooyyy! Keh! :(

Sayang itu bukannya seharusnya tanpa pamrih? Tapi kenapa semua orang di sekeliling gw mengumbar sayang dengan pamrih? MUNAFIK.

the signs

What are the signs of people getting lonely? Is actually feeling it one of them?
I don't want to be Mrs.McCluskey, nobody does..

Lonely

How I hate being lonely. Aaaaaa

take it back!

just take it back! undo! erase it! for it makes my mind a place with no ease.

Kambing Jantan the movie

Nonton Kambing Jantan ternyata berdampak kurang sehat bagi gw.. Kinda brings back the 'foul mood' thing.. Hu. Hu. And, hu.

Pointless

I just realized that my entries might have been rather short and pointless, maybe, for some people. I don't know, I like writing just a little piece of my mind at a time. And I found it okay. =p

Well, anyway this one is no different hahaha.. So I'm just gonna put this song's lyrics here to make this entry somehow useful for them who might stumble upon here.


Your Call (by Secondhand Serenade)

Waiting for your,
Call I'm sick,
Call I'm angry,
Call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes,
What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your...)

I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone,
And this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
[4X]

I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to

To make you mine
Stay with me tonight


I don't mean anything by posting this, it's just a song I heard this morning and I liked it. That's all. Hohoho..

Blurry.

Blurry.

That's what you see when you were surrounded by wind and your eyes clouded with tears..

uang uang uang

Butuh uang ini skarang ini untuk macam2.

Slumdog Millionaire

"I love you.."

"So what?"

Ha.

Lonely

Life gets lonely sometimes.. Especially at times like today when you're home all day at an empty house.. It gets very quite it's deafening.. Nothing to do, nobody to talk to.. Just you with a whole bunch of time to do absolutely nothing apart from mourning all the problems you got and how life isn't fair.. So much for living and sacrificing choices.. Sigh.. I would rather have a much simpler life if I could..

Pronto

19-02-09. Pronto. PIM 1.

What a blastful evening..

Gagak rita, gagak icha, gagak lidya, gagak mandy, and many more.. Missing those time haha huhu..

Penat.

Gw lg merasa penat banget sama semua aspek di hidup gw. It's as if my head is going to explode. I need some time off. Aaarrrgh.. Capek banget. >:O

I'm done.

I'm done. BIG TIME. Hhhh.. :(

Laper

Emang paling enak punya gigi yang sehat. Mau makan apa juga hayoo!
Arrrrgh laper nih -O- (gigi cenut-cenut).

Bali, we're coming!

Nisa. Angel. Arshie. Icha. Putri. Purti. Laras. Dhila. Totti. Barkowi.

Emang sih, lagi musim hujan.
Emang sih, lagi banjir.
Tapi yang penting cabut! Kabur dari semua masalah.. :p

Sate Afrika

Kemaren gw nyoba makan sate afrika, alias daging domba bakar di Tanah Abang. Dimakannya pake pisang goreng. YUMMY! Agak-agak mirip kambing sih baunya :p

Arrrgh

I got a 'D' for my Cost Accounting. Arghh. Perfect! X'(

Amazed by the new 'bikun'

Yup. Hari ini gw ke kampus dan tercengang melihat ada 'bikun' baru yang beroperasi di kampus. Tapi banyak hal yg awalnya bikin bingung dari si bikun baru. It isn't even yellow to begin with. Bikun=bis kuning. See? Yeah anyway, gw sampai melewatkan bikun baru yg pertama lewat saking clueless-nya. Bayangin, bikun yg baru tuh busnya gede, patas AC, warna abu-abu dengan logo Aerotrans (kalo gak salah). Satu-satunya petunjuk kalo itu bikun cuma kertas hvs di kaca depan bertuliskan: bus pelayanan mahasiswa UI. Wtf, hehe. Tapi gapapa, karena pada akhirnya bikun baru yg kedua lewat akhirnya gw naik dan merasa nyamaaan. :D

p.s. Entry kali ini gw tulis jam 3 pagi gara-gara tiba-tiba kebangun dan gak bisa tidur lagi on MOBILE PHONE. :p

Bikin blog baru

Udah lama ninggalin kebiasaan nulis blog waktu smp/sma jadi kangen. :D